Homesickness

So, to remind/tell anyone who didnt know. Before ELB my last long term relationship was a long distance one. Me in the UK, him in the States. Spending months apart, emotional hysterical goodbyes at airports, long lonely nights wanting nothing more than a hug. Been there, done that, could write the book.

So when we broke up I was kinda relieved that I didn't have to go through that anymore. Love isn't planned but I had a fairly good inclination that I wasn't going to put myself through that again.

ELB doesn't exactly live minutes round the corner, but a minute trip isn't too bad at all. (It'd be even less if I was a driver) My definition always was "If there was a crisis could you drop everything and get to them easily?" If the answer was no then it was a LDR.

So I consider myself very fortunate, ELB and I see each other pretty much every week, spending weekends together and the occasional weeknights at pub quiz's.

When we first started dating I had a big work event that meant I didnt see him for a while, but we'd only been dating a few weeks and it was actually very exciting to know at the end of it we were spening a few days together during our first "sleepover"

But now I'm on another work trip. In Scotland. I made the most of having travel paid for and am also seeing a close friend for a few days. Meaning I'm away from home for 9 nights - two weekends. And it SUCKS! I know I know I really shouldn't moan. And it's not that I'm majorly clingy or co-dependent. There's just something about this trip that has me feeling those familiar LDR feelings.

I've got a hoodie that smells of him, the teddy he bought me and I'm texting him non-stop.

I know there are many people much worse than me - I've been there. But it's all relative I guess. I'm used to seeing ELB all the time, and snuggling up with him on my precious weekends relaxing. So after working my ASS off doing 10 - 12 hour days for the last month it doubly sucks to be away from him.

I don't really know what else to say on the subject. I just wanted to comment on how weird it was and how much its making me feel a bit rubbish. So that's that.

Feel the feelings

A year ago today was meant to be my Wedding Day. With the power of hindsight, I am so grateful it wasn't  But if I could whisk myself back 18months I would see a broken hearted and dishevelled girl sitting on my couch, with two boxes worth of snotty crumpled tissues around her and two years worth of memories on her laptop in front of her.

An Owl in a meringue...

I'm sure this sounds familiar to most. We've all been there in the heart of a breakup at least once. I'd like to think my situation was a little unique. Not only were we in a long distance relationship, but he was a "recovering" alcoholic and ex convict that I had supported emotionally (and financially) for the last 2 years. Jeesh you write it down like that and it suddenly sounds so awful.

But at the time, I was madly in love. And not only that, I was subject to my own worst flaw - always seeing and believing in the best in people. That didn't get me very far, but thankfully he showed his true colours before it became legal and he moved to my country, to my flat, to burden me and my loved ones with the rest of his problems for the rest of our lives.

Back to 18 months ago and me on my couch broken hearted. I could tell you "I didn't think it would ever get better" But that would be a lie. You see, I also believe in the strength of myself. And I refused to ever allow one pathetic excuse of a human being to decide the state of my mental health.

Because to be perfectly honest with you, it very nearly did. I had poured so much into that man. So much of my faith in humanity, of my belief in love, of my firm unchanging foundations of knowing someone can always change for the better....and had that torn up, spat on and destroyed in front of my eyes. Many many times over during the longest month of my life.

So there I was....the very soul of everything I had every believed in in tatters, and that could've been the end of it. I could've given up on love and trust and all of that right there. I don't think anyone would've blamed me. But I didn't. I refused to, My own pigheaded stubborness kicked in! That and my loved ones...

To this day I don't think I would've made it without them. My friends and family reminded me every single day exactly why my belief system is one of the goodness in humankind and of love.

At the time I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I didn't know when it would stop hurting, or when I would be able to close my eyes and not see his face. I didn't know when the day would come when I wouldn't break down whilst washing dishes and I had no idea if I would even be able to love someone again for certain. But I knew it was coming....and that it couldn't be rushed.

It sounds so cliché but time is the biggest healer. But only when you accept what is happening. As I once told Panda, you have to "feel the feelings". Don't block them away, the quicker you accept them and work your way through them, the easier it will be.

Look at me. 1 year from the day I was supposed to marry that guy and I didn't even remember the significance of the date until 10:30 at night! I can't even picture his face or hear his voice properly any more.

I won't rehash all the clichéd advice. But I will repeat the piece of advice I can give to anyone.

Feel the feelings. 

That and never, EVER let anyone mess with your ability to love and care and cherish for another. Those things come from inside you...and if the ex wasn't smart enough to see those things in you, well, that's just all the more fortunate for the next isn't it?

Bohemian Boy (Dating history tales)

Dating history tales

Sometimes you just need to hear about the sad, wonderful, inspiring and often downright WEIRD dating experiences of others. This series of blog posts will recount a tale from our pasts - purely for your own amusement. Enjoy and feel free to read more here.

I was "sort of" dating this boy who was not my normal taste but a much needed 'palate cleanser'. He was my polar opposite in every way but that made it all the more interesting. I drew the line at this one though:

First time staying at his new place, I knew it would be sparse as he had only been there a week. However I did not expect the sleeping arrangements. Floor, duvet, 1 pillow -  no covers.

This would've been luxury!

Let's just take the time to think about this for a second. 1 pillow - between 2 for a girl who's used to sleeping  with 4 in various combinations. and 1 duvet to be both base and covers...just not gonna work!

But I put my 'big girl panties' on and made the best of it. "I can do this for a night - it could be fun!" (It wasn't)

It was even less fun the next two times I stayed over, including once after I had just worked an event all weekend and just wanted a bath and feather bed, and once when he was ill meaning neither of us got any sleep.

I mentioned it - several times. He honestly didn't see the issue. It was "bohemian" he said and even had the nerve to mockingly call me "Princess" (for wanting a bed? A hells yeah then I'm a Princess!)

Needless to say I stood by my guns when I said "Get a bed or I'm not staying here again"

Non-mushy Valentines!

I have seen many a post talking about how to be single on Valentines. All well and good - if I were single I'd be reading the crap outta those!

However the only other posts I've seen are the gooey, slushy, cupid-ey...vomit inducing posts. Now this is coming from a life long romantic. But even I am starting to get sick of the sight of this over-forced "romance". It feels forced and completely fake - as you may have seen on my previous post it's about the everyday romance. 

So where does that leave me on Valentines Day? I dont want to reject it on principle because I do like to mark it and remember that romance is important - but guys, I will totally be judging you on your originality!

What sparked this post was realising the new Die Hard movie is being released on Valentines Day. ELB commented to me that "There are gonna be some very annoyed women in that theatre on Thursday!" But actually....why should they be? Considering the crap rom-coms that have been produced lately if we were going to the cinema I'd MUCH rather see Bruce Willis being his awesome self! 

So c'mon guys. Don't subject your beautiful, intelligent and individual woman to the sterotype that we just want chocolates and flowers and an overpriced meal. (NB from Panda: "Although also never forget that every girl likes flowers!") and plan something she would really enjoy this Thursday.

If she loves chocolate instead of the "1/3 off supermarket special" why dont you book a chocolate making class for later in the month. Or plan an at home chocolate tasting? 

Sci-Fi fan? Tell her you're going to this summers convention and you'll even go in costume for her. (Yeah I'm not going to lie to you -that's my one!) 

Whatever you do, make it personal and dont feel pressured to eat another Love Heart or buy another plastic rose..

Everyday Romance

Following on from Panda's post about Valentine's day being a chance for men to win some serious brownie points, I began thinking a little more about romance. And what really is romance?

Ok sure we've got the roses, the champagne, the fancy dinner etc etc. But these are things that anyone  who has seen a chick-flick and owns a credit card can do. For me romance is about those little every day things. More importantly than that it's about knowing the person you are being romantic with..

Sure the big gestures are always appreciated - don't get me wrong. But they will mean SO much more if you stop and think for a little bit about what she (or he) will really appreciate. What will show them that you have listened and paid attention to what they love and enjoy? There is no point committing to a 2hr foot massage if she is squeamish about having her feet touched is there? But remembering a throwaway comment from 6 month ago about that shower gel that reminds her of her Gran will win you more points than you know!

But it doesn't have to be big. The little things mean just as much - if not more because you can do these things every single day.

Walking past your significant others favourite bakery and picking up that shortbread biscuit she loves on the way home from work - just because. Does it drive your partner mad when you always leave your socks in the living room? Make a real effort to pick them up and put them in the hamper.

Seeing that they have had a tough day at work and even though it's their turn to cook, throwing dinner together (or at least phoning for her favourite pizza) whilst running her a bath. Has she been going on about seeing the new Ryan Gosling film even though you hate him? Leave tickets for that evenings show by the side of the bed for her to discover when she wakes up.

Get creative - does she love a certain TV show? Take her on a "themed" weekend away to the film sets (Game of Thrones is mainly filmed in Ireland for example) or on a smaller scale set up a "theme night" at home. If she loves "50 first dates" turn your living room into Hawaii with some paper leis, scented candles and BBQ style dinner whilst you watch the movie together.

If you have a skill or talent - utilise it. Sure not all men can play an instrument or compose poetry - but again get thinking. I once made a guy a website when we couldn't be together for valentines day. There was a playlist of songs embedded, a short video from me and silly things like picture from our favourite childhood movies. It was goofy and cheesy but I had a lot of fun making it and he loved it.

Ultimately it comes down to the amount of thought and effort put in. The most romantic things often cost very little apart from some serious brainstorming.

Oh and please let me not forget the obvious. Words. Honestly spoken words go further than anything else. Tell her thank you. All the time, for every little thing that you appreciate. Compliment her beauty. Genuinely tell her what you love and appreciate about her. Mix it up.

"I really admire the way you handled that really difficult customer at work. I know it's not always easy to keep your cool but you did and I'm really impressed"

"This dinner is delicious - I love your home cooking, thank you so much sweetie"

"You look stunning in that dress, it fits you beautifully"

"You are an amazingly talented musician. I could listen to you play guitar for hours"

Trust me when I say you shouldn't limit romance to valentines day. These little actions will not only make you feel good because you are doing something just for her, but you will start to notice more little things being done for you. Which will then probably increase what you do. Smiles for you, smiles for her, all round fuzzy feelings and the world being just that little bit better. Sure it seems like "effort" at first, but before you realise it they will become second nature to you.

And that's what TRUE Romance is.

PS. For real added points

Always always always wish her goodnight and good morning. Kiss her eyelids as she sleepily opens them, text her "Sweet dreams beautiful", call her to wish her a good day at work. Let her know you are the first thing you think about in the morning and last thing before sleep.

"Night In" Giveaway winner!

First of all we would like to say a huge thank you to everyone that took part in our giveaway. We didn't expect to suddenly see thousands of new readers, but to each of you lovely people that has now found us and is following us - we love you!

Seeing every new entry, comment and RT really made us smile and we were texting each other in excitement at each one that came through. We wish we could give you each something for being one of our first readers, but instead hopefully knowing that you will always be one of our special group of "original readers" is something? 

So without further ado we are very pleased the winner is....

Kathleen Hooper
(@Hoops120)

Well done Kathleen!

Please drop us an email on grabaspoon(at)live.co.uk with your details so we can send your prize out to you. 

Once again, thank you to everyone that participated. And please please do stay in touch! We would love to see our little slice of the web grow as organically as possible, and not just through giveaways and promotions. 

If you like one of our posts, or appreciate something we say we would really love you giving us a little tweet or post comment. You have no idea how much they make us smile knowing that we have brought amusement and maybe some wise words to someone's day. 

Or if there is something you dont like and could see us improving, or something you think we should blog about that we dont currently - let us know. You are our readers and we want to make sure you enjoy what we produce. 

We look forward to hearing from you soon.

Lots of love,

Owl and Panda xxx

Electric Cinema (Date spot review)

Electric Cinema
http://www.electriccinema.co.uk

020 7908 9696 

191 Portobello Road
London
W11 2ED

I first saw this place advertised on "I know a great little place in London"'s Facebook page. I lot of people I mentioned it to knew said they had heard of it many moons ago but then it closed down for quite a while (I think there was a fire). But now it is open again, flourishing and it is absolutely amazing!

Ideally situated on Portabello Road it is a very short walk from Ladbroke Grove tube station, but also not too far from Notting Hill Gate and a variety of other stations.

Top tip: Do not miss the opportunity to walk along the market singing "Portabello Road...Portabello Road. Anything and everything a chap can unload" from Bedknobs and Broomsticks

If you love old school glamour this is the place for you. We arrived, and even though I knew where we were going I was blown away with the beauty. From the old school pick n mix in glass jars to the retro till, to the red velvet curtains everything was glamorous and beautiful.

While we waited for the curtains to open (and there was me worrying about being late) we bought some fresh warm donuts. Now I never thought I'd say this but "Krispy Kremes...move aside! We have a new winner! I wont say much more - just experience the delight for yourself!

I had booked us one of the sofas at the back, but we have already decided that we will be returning at some point to try out the full length beds at the front! It was lovely being able to watch a movie (especially one as long as 'The Hobbit') in the same luxury you would at home. Actually more so....I know my sofa isn't velvet and I certainly don't own a cashmere blanket!

We decided to pass on the bar as it was fairly early and instead I snuck off to the corner shop to bring back some coke and popcorn. This is when we learnt we physically cannot watch a movie in the cinema without popcorn! A bit cheeky but they didn't seem to mind, especially as we had no option to buy popcorn there.

Overall a beautiful date that I was really pleased to have organised. If I had been taken there as a surprise or on a first date I would have been SERIOUSLY impressed.

Pros

• Add a feeling of luxury and specialness to the traditional cinema date
• None of this "armrest in the ribcage" nonsense when you try and snuggle up to your date
• Distinct lack of children - almost purely an adults only venue (or at very least well-behaved children!)
• The donuts!

Cons

• Pricey
• Distinct lack of slurpy drinks, hotdogs and popcorn

Great date for?

• Special occasion
• Impressive first date
• Cosy couple date

Cost

Approximately £30 per person including the donuts, a drink and some sneaky snacks bought from the corner shop.

Romance rating

The reverse cougar (Dating history tale)

Dating history tales

Sometimes you just need to hear about the sad, wonderful, inspiring and often downright WEIRD dating experiences of others. This series of blog posts will recount a tale from our pasts - purely for your own amusement. Enjoy and feel free to read more here. 

I had been single for about 18 months when my friend Jane's mother invited me on a speed dating-esque type night. She said she'd agreed to help out a friend to run it, we'd get a couple of free drinks and it could be a laugh. Having just recently seen "Yes Man" I thought "Sure why not - you never know"

So we get to this teeny little downstairs bar in London and it seems not much help is actually needed so we settle ourselves down with our drinks. A few women come up to us and all seem to know friends mum, and also look at me a little puzzled.

Then one woman introduces a man (Lets call him Adam) who seemed a bit quiet and asked if we mind if he sat with us "Sure sure, sit down". So we now have a good table conversation going and I suddenly start to note a few phrases being repeated:

"What's your username?"

"Oh! Did you post the XYZ thread?"

I have nothing against forum meet ups but whatever this forum is I am not a part of it so feel kind of out of place. And then comes the cherry on the cake when one woman turns to me and says "So who are you looking for here? Surely not much of an age difference - you must like them really young"

I smile politely, very confused and dart a sideways look at Jane's mum - who is laughing. I confess I have no idea what's going on before having to have it spelt out. This is a meet up for older women and younger men.

Again no problem with that in theory....except I was 22 at the time. This woman has a point, just how young do they think I want a guy? No wonder I was getting weird looks all night! Deciding to make the best of a weird situation I think to myself "at least the pressures off now. I can just have some drinks and a laugh" Well....drinks was the operative word.

Fast forward through 4 hours of dancing, drinking, chatting and more drinking to me, Jane's Mum, her friend and Adam playing drinking games at Jane's Mum's. (Jane had moved out) One by one everyone claims sofa space and passes out and I'm left with Adam. Before I know what's happening we're making out in Jane's bedroom and the only thought I have is "this is the most action this room has ever seen"

(Ohh forgot to mention - Jane's mum is crazy religious type. But by this point all I could think was "heck - she ain't my mum, and she dragged me into this in the first place!") Next morning the "older ladies" can't believe it. They clearly never thought of me as competition and there I was getting it on with one of their prime candidates!

I never spoke to him again, it was purely a bit of a laugh after a few drinks. But most definitely one of my weirdest hook ups ever. How do you get past the thought that he would've probably preferred my mate's mum...

Happy New Year!

This is a very brief post to mark the end of 2012 - and the beginning of 2013.

It has been an interesting year for Owl and Panda. More than anything else we started this blog and that has all been extremely exciting! We look forward to many more blogposts and lots more lovely readers in 2013. (If you want to spread a little New Year Cheer you can always tweet about us, "Like" us on Facebook and follow our blog. We would love you forever and will send you cake)

There is always a little bit of pressure around New Years Eve for singletons. Owl would be lying if she said she wasn't super excited about having a guaranteed kiss at midnight in far TOO long. But remember - that's not what the New Year is about.

It's about remembering the past - the past 12 months in particular, reflecting on happy memories and learning our lessons from the harder ones. It's about having a bit of fun, or relaxing - overall having a nice night and thinking about what we want to make the coming year for us.

It's not about stressing out about hooking up, having someone to kiss, or whether we go out or not.

So whatever your plans are for tonight - have a good one! Make sure it's one filled with smiles and love whether you're partying til dawn or sitting in with a lovely drink and a movie.

Of course New Years Eve is always a chance for a good declaration of love speech too ;)

Happy New Year everyone! 

Lets make 2013 even better!

 

Lessons from "The Holiday"

"The Holiday" is one of my most favourite Christmas movies. It's a recent favourite, having only seen it for the first time a few years ago, but on the first viewing it became a firm favourite. For me there is something just so real about the characters. And their situations - that desperate need to just run away from reality when everything goes to hell. 

As well as being brilliantly entertaining (Cameron Diaz singing out of tune to "The Killers" is one small example!) I think there are some major lessons we can learn from it - and quotes that we need to keep reminding ourselves of. 

The first is one of the more sad ones. It's this speech by Kate Winslet's character Iris that I think perfectly encapsulates the long and slow process of trying to get over someone...

What I'm trying to say is...

...I understand feeling as small and as insignificant...

...as humanly possible.

How it can actually ache in places that you didn't know you had inside you.

It doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get...

...or gyms you join...

...or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with girlfriends.

You still go to bed every night going over every detail...

...and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood.

And how in the hell, for that brief moment...

...you could think that you were that happy?

And sometimes you can even convince yourself...

...that he'll see the light and show up at your door.

And after all that...

...however long "all that" may be...

...you'll go somewhere new.

And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again.

And little pieces of your soul will finally come back.

And all that fuzzy stuff...

...those years of your life that you wasted...

...that will eventually begin to fade.

How many of us have felt like that? I know for damn certain I have. (When I watched this movie last year, this scene had me in floods of tears - it was all just a tad too close to home) 

But it basically sums up the rule of all break ups - only time will heal it. Time and those people that remind you that you ARE worthwhile. 

The second one is an almost throw away line - but it has always stuck with me.

"You're supposed to be the
Leading Lady of your own life
for God's sake!"

Ladies if you listen to only one thing I ever say - listen to this please. You ARE the Leading Lady in your own life. You deserve the job, the friends, the man - whatever makes you happy, you can get it and you deserve it. Your happy ending and "ever after" - whatever that may mean to you - is waiting for you. And don't ever mistake yourself for the 'best friend' role and sort of disappear for half the screenplay. Be centre stage, and be the star for the entire movie. 

And finally I'd like to leave you with just one word. The best word ever heard in a movie EVER. And that word is:

Gumption!

I don't think I even need to explain it. It sounds like what it is. And whether you are the loud, scream about it type, or the quiet thinking type - always remember to have an air of Gumption about you. Be confident, be brave - be unforgettable. 

Christmassy dates

I have been in SUCH a Christmassy mood this month! WAY more so than I normally do. Not sure what it is this year but I'm feeling so festive.

And this has definitely shown in the amount of festive y dates I have had with ELB this month. However we are both on super tight budgets, so a lot of these have also been frugal festive fun. (What was that writing rule about alliteration?)

So as I'm sure you are all dying to know - here is my brief rundown of what we've been up to, and how it has been just so Christmassy!

Putting up the decorations

This has always been a big Christmas thing for me. Since moving out, it's been weird to now have to create my own traditions, and not always be at home to share in the old ones. Especially when you live alone and Christmas is generally a time for company. I was over the moon when back in the beginning of November ELB said he would love to put my decorations up with me. I was literally counting down the days!

I can often be quite Monica about my decorations too. But this year it felt so refreshing to just watch him delight in my various decorations (especially the ones bought in America) and decide on places to put them.

And I dont care what any feminists say - getting a man to do the difficult bits of climbing up high and hammering in nails is WELL worth it!

Walks around London

We spend an entire day walking from Liverpool Street to Surrey Docks farm where we'd heard there was a Christmas Fayre on. But we spent a blissful amount of time walking through the city, seeing the lights, drinking mulled wine in pubs and snuggling up against the cold of the Southbank.

When we got to the farm it was the teeniest little thing ever, but eating chestnuts as we walked around and took silly photos of the animals was very pleasent and reminded me about how much we need to value the simple things in life.

Christmas movies

How have I not watched Gremlins at Christmas for goodness knows how many years? How had he not watched the Muppets Christmas Carol since he was little? We don't know but we both quickly resolved those issues!

Mulled wine/Mulled cider

If you're having to spend a lot of time indoors because of the cold or lack of funds, make sure it smells festive - and also get drunk into the bargain! Nice one to combine with Christmas movies. Check out our Mulled Wine recipe here.

Lattes and last minute shopping

We took the bus into town purely to go to Starbucks and sit and enjoy the festive drinks. Starbucks obsession much? Nah surely not... Then we wandered around picking up a couple of last minute family bits before going for a last minute Chinese. The best bit? They gave us crackers and we got to sit there wearing the crowns! (Well I think he only did because I made him...)

Winter Wonderland

I had never been before, ELB could hardly believe his ears and immediately had to take me. Even though we're both broke it's well worth going if you are in London to soak up the Christmas atmosphere. My top tips:

• Take sandwiches and possibly take a thermos if you're really broke. Sit either in the carousel bar or by the firepit to enjou them.
• Invest in the ferris wheel - it's the best thing there! 
• Take loads of photos - especially by the polar bears.
• Don't get sucked in to making him win you a teddy because all the games are fixed.

And finally for the ultimate in making any date a Christmassy date...

Wear Christmas hats! 

(Even if he does protest a little...)

Game of Thrones guys

Warning, this post does contain spoilers (from the TV series having not read past book 1 yet). If you are planning on reading or watching this series or are only part way through please please please do not read ahead! This way be spoilers! 

You have been warned....this is a series you really don't want to have spoilers for. 

Whilst reading through the Game of Thrones Facebook page, I came across this article "GoT guys and whether you should marry them" this cracked me up and thought I needed to post my two-peneth worth on some of the hotties in this season!

And ladies be warned - there are a fair few of them! 

So in reverse order here are MY fav Thones guys, and why I would choose them. 

 Robb Stark

Gorgeous. In a slightly ruggedy way compared to his half brother Jon. But this is a man with a quiet confidence, who knows what he wants and how to get it. Especially when it comes to the girl he loves. 

Plus *that* scene of passion? Yum! 

Khal Drogo

*fans self* Woo! Now here's a man for if you ever needed a steaming hot pile of testosterone! He has that classic bad boy thing going on and although the abuse of women complex he has to start off with is not his best selling point, he becomes such a romantic loving thing when he meets the right girl. A classic case of "But I can change him!" And how cute are the nicknames "Moon of my life" and "My sun and stars"? 

Jon Snow

The eyes....oh the eyes...he has a bit of a Heath Ledger in "10 Things I hate about you" vibe about him. Despite his hard exterior you can see he has a softer side. He's not had the easiest youth and tries to put a brave face on things. Really you just want to look after him although like Ygtitte I think I'd need to put him in his place quite often and show him who's really in charge! I also love his sense of humour (that shows more in the books though) AND he has an adorable Direwolf. 

Tyrion Lannister

WHAT?! I hear women of the world cry. He's your FIRST choice? Over and above all the gorgeous strapping men you listed?! (And the ones you didnt. Hello Sean Bean anyone?) And yes I know it seems an odd choice but Tyrion has the strongest strength of character. This is a man who knows himself, his an intelligent man and although not a fighter; brave enough of fight when he needs to. Not to mention he is so god damn FUNNY! 

All of these things, along with his intense vulnerability that only those he truly trusts will ever see make him a pretty awesome guy if you ask me. On top of that he also has such a huge amount of love he wants to give to the right girl. When he finds someone that truly cares about him, he will love and cherish her above all else - even when he doesn't truly believe he deserves it. (End of season 2? I wept. Wept and sobbed for him with happiness!) 

Not to mention, that although described as fairly "ugly" in the books Peter Dinklage is pretty easy on the eye if you ask me! 

Bonus Jon Snow picture. Just for funsies!

Attachment and taking risks

I get attached quite easily. It's not that I'm needy or co-dependent. I just think life's too short to not love what you love.

Of course this can be a bad thing. I made sure when I first got back into dating that I had a bit of a barrier up. There was no way I could allow myself to become attached to every guy I went on a date with or slept with - it would've been a recipe for heartache.

This is never an attractive look...

I wish I could tell you how exactly I did this. Partly it was just telling myself "I will not get attached". When asked 'Do you like him' I would always respond "Too early to tell" and distract myself with a task to try and not over think it.

However, as soon as you admit to yourself you like someone, that barrier comes down. And the vulnerability comes flooding in. Suddenly this person has the potential to affect your emotions on a deeper level. And it is SCARY!

I'm not ashamed to admit that I am a romantic. I love the feeling of being in love, I love the butterflies of excitement when you first meet someone and realise there is a connection. I do wear my heart on my sleeve a little bit in this respect and I often wonder if this is a good thing.

Take my current situation. I know I like him. A lot. We just spent 5 lovely days together. I was very happy. Although I love my independence, I operate better around other people. The more I like a person, the happier I am just being in their presence  I can quite happily have friends round and we all sit on our laptops working on projects of blogs or whatever and I will be very content. Same with a partner, I don't mind if we each have stuff to do. One of us doing housework, one of us pottering away on the computer. Or even if maybe he has something that needs doing - it gives me a chance to catch up on some reading or that girlie TV show that he hates (*cough cough* '2 Broke Girls' anyone?) I just enjoy being in that special persons company.

However I do catch myself worrying that I might be alone in this thought. I often worry about being clingy or "too" attached. Please note - I do not mean co-dependent. I know that as much as I care about someone, I strive to not allow one person to be the be all and end all of my life. I am fortunate to have a large amount of awesome people in my life and I have seen first hand in friends the danger of shutting yourself off and living in an isolated bubble with your partner. Even more so if you're actually in that bubble alone and they have no idea!

But I guess what I'm trying to say, is that this bit here in a relationship is the scariest bit for me. We're deeper than the "This is new and exciting and squeeing when I get a text and planning the perfect outfit for our next date" but not at the "We are in a committed relationship - we know where we're each at and it's comfortable". This stage of liking him, but always second guessing myself with how much he likes me, and if my actions are potentially going to scare him off. (Or if I don't my crazy family and psycho friends might!)

I'm sure I'm being silly, and this is predominantly all in my mind. As yet he has shown no signs of loosing interest and seems just as happy as I am. I hope! This is logic and evidence talking. But I can't shake this little dark thought that keeps tugging at the corner of my mind.

I guess I'm just scared. I would like to think that I don't let the past affect me too much. I start each new venture with lessons learned and a clean slate. But I guess my last break up got to me more than I realised. I was in a happy committed engagement, planning a whole life together, and it ended. Just like that. Out of nowhere - with no explanation or reason as to why. And if I want to be really honest, I'm scared of that happening again if I get too attached.


But what's the alternative? Never like someone again? Never fall in love again? No. That's not an option for Owl. I just have to face the fear.

Throw myself out of the plane with blind faith that the parachute will open.

After all....what is life for if not for taking risks?

PS. Two days after writing this post, I just found this very interesting article. That's me all over (except maybe the playing games part) It feels very reassuring to know I am not the only person who feels like this in relationships. And I agree - big big advocator of sharing your feelings and telling your partner what you need. They are not mind readers after all! 

The girls as friend’s scenario

I’ve always found myself to be pretty chill about boyfriends having girls as friends. I think even from my early teen years I saw girls freaking out with jealousy over their guys having friends of the opposite sex and I always thought it was so pointless. If they wanted to be with them....they would be! The guy is with you for a reason...dumbass.

And yes you can often enter into the slightly murkier territories of a past between the two of them, one fancied the other, one maybe still fancies the other (presumably not the one you’re going out with) etc etc but by the by there is a reason why they are friends and not partners.

Let’s look at this objectively – it is GOOD to have friends of the opposite sex. How many times have you just sat back chilling with the guys and thought how nice it is to have a different friend dynamic to always being “with the girls”. How often have you gone to a male friend for advice? “Why do men...?” “What does he mean by....?” “Should I...?” (FYI the answer will almost always invariably be some variation of “stop over-thinking things”.)  Isn't it nice to think that your guy has people he can do the same thing with? Women are always complaining about men not understanding them. How do we expect men to understand us if we ban them from communicating with other women?

Now don’t get me wrong. I am nowhere near the cool, calm, level-headed woman I am making out to be. Sometimes certain female friends fill me with such despair and anxiety that I don’t know how to cope. In the case of ‘The’ ex,  he had his ex that broke his heart and the “best friend” that had been in love with him since forever as two of his closest mates. And boy were they vindictive little bitches when they wanted to be. But I saw it, and ultimately I didn't distrust him, and in my effort to stick to my morals and not having a problem with my guy having girl/friends I actually probably shot myself in the foot a bit and caused more heartache than necessary.  Hey-ho; live and learn.

I guess my point is that that initial twinge of jealousy when you hear a female name is the person he’s having a drink with is natural. You care about him and (probably due to some evolutionary reason) you want to be the only woman in his life. But that just aint gonna’ happen. So just keep a close eye on it. If you find yourself uttering words of jealousy, or worse – insisting you also tag along, you may have a slight issue. And then even if this does happen...talk to your other half. If he is a decent guy he will understand, and be able to reassure you. He may have even felt the same about some of your male friends, and it might also give him an opportunity to voice that.

But imagine how you would feel if you told him not to hang out with your brothers mate that you've known since you were 9? “Who the heck is he telling me that? I’ve known Bob forever, we always watch the footie together on Sundays!” yeah...now hear those words being said about you and that’s exactly how he may feel. Bare that in mind the next time that little green eyed monster raises its ugly head. Placate it with chocolate and the reminder that he is with you for a reason. He loves and cares about you, and spending time with women – seeing more of how our complex minds work, will actually make him a better boyfriend to you. How could that ever be a bad thing? 

The Hunger Games

Straight off the back, if you have not read The Hunger Games trilogy, or if you are going to read them and do not want them spoiled, then DO NOT read this blogpost! Owl and Panda absolutely ADORE the books, and will be unable to contain themselves throughout this post!

Read them IMMEDIATELY- get them on Amazon HERE

We want to talk about Peeta. And Gale. And Katniss. Oh Gale and Peeta. They love Katniss so much.

One thing that struck us was how much we felt we could relate to Katniss' feelings towards both of them. Both representing safety, security, and undying love, Gale through rebellion and passion, Peeta through kind support and ultimate acceptance. But who would you have chosen in the end? Certainly Katniss barely had time to concentrate on her feelings for either in too much depth, what with her trying to protect her sister, stay alive and eventually leading a rebellion and all. But in key moments throughout the series, we see Katniss' confusion over her feelings for both men. She could identify that she loved them both dearly. But, in the very end, who did she really want to be with?

Panda was gripped the entire time, not quite knowing for sure who Katniss would choose (if any). Surely she would choose Gale, she's known him for so long and has so many shared experiences with him. And with Peeta's psychological change in the third book (we mentioned spoilers, right? Oh yeah, good) it was unclear whether he could ever love her the way he once did. Owl was more perceptive, and saw it coming. Peeta represented a type of safety in a way that Katniss could not give herself. Yes, Gale could hunt, and fight, and be as firery as her, but what Katniss needed in the end was the man who could complete her, to compliment her and give her the security that she so desperately craved. 

And is this not what we want from our own partners in life? The guy that completes us? Yes, we want someone to share our likes and interests. But don't we also want the guy who can give us what we cannot give ourselves?

In the Panda family, the women are loud and chatty (and then loud and chatty some more). Daddy Panda, on the other hand, is the quiet, retiring type. He only talks when it is necessary (sometimes not even then). Perhaps that's what Mummy Panda needed in a mate- someone who will be the calm one, the listener, the think-then-act person, to compliment her sprightly and spontaneous nature.

In life, we are often attracted to those who bring out a different side of us, that challenge us in some way or another. It's natural, it's what helps us to grow and develop. If we were always around people who were exactly the same as us all of the time, how would that benefit us? Is it not instinctive to consciously or subconsciously look for things in a partner that we do not have ourselves, to compliment our better half and complete that other side?

Yes, Owl, the romantic, saw this plot end coming. Peeta was perfect for Katniss. Ultimately Owl pondered, we don't want a mirror image of ourselves. We want someone whose strengths balance our own - to make us stronger as a couple, and surely only Peeta would be the one she could choose? He soothed her character. She didn't clash with him in the same way she clashed with Gale, because she and Gale were too much alike. Maybe it's a lesson for us all not to get too hung up on finding a partner who is just like us, but to accept what our mate has to bring to the table, and to complement each other, making us both stronger for it.