Single at Christmas

Christmas is one of those times of the year that seems made for couples. As soon as the temperature drops it seems couples start streaming out of the woodwork. Couples ice skating, couples sharing hot chocolate, couples holding hands in those sickening two handed mitten things. Blurgh...it's enough to want to make us singletons disappear under our duvets with a chocolate orange and not emerge until Spring.

But. There are many reasons why being independent and by yourself this festive season rocks! And if you don't believe us, have a look at our reasonings:

1. "Where are we going for Christmas?"
Have you ever had that awful conversation with a spouse? "Where are we spending Christmas this year?" The arguments that follow, the trade offs "Well if we spend Christmas Eve at your Mums, then Christmas Day at mine, then Boxing Day at your Grans" - then all the driving or overpriced cabs or haggling for lifts to get between all of those places. Wouldn't you rather spend three days at Mum's relaxing, getting pissed and not having to venture into the cold?

2. Think of the money you save
Owl's friend text her in excitement about the £500 gift she had just laid out on her other half. £500 is a lot to spend on one person by anyone's standards, and this friend has a big family with a lot of kids in it on a fairly modest income. That's crazy! Not to mention the stress that comes with finding that "perfect" gift. Want our advice? That's money that can be used to take yourself on a shopping spree in the January sales!

3. Eating guilt free 
Ok, so this one is kind of a given at Christmas anyway. It's Christmas after all. And we are in no way advocating unhealthy behaviour. However isn't it nicer to eat all those yummy goodies, choccies and alki-hol without worrying about being judged by your other half. Especially if you don't make it to the gym until the second week of January instead of the first.

4. Total control of the remote
DVD boxsets, BBC Specials, traditional movies, sometimes you just wanna watch what you want to watch. (Love Actually at least 3 times this month we think) And no, we don't care how awesome Die Hard is.....it's not a Christmas movie!

5. All the dating opportunities 
Christmas parties, work do's, more time out and about catching up with friends, not to mention New Years Eve! There are so many great opportunities to meet new people and arrange some fun dates to get you through January.


6. No sharingIn what should be a totally selfless time of year, you don't have to fight over the last green triangle....or give up your turn on the new Xbox game....or give your 3 year old niece her teddy bear back. Ok, we went too far. Maybe you should return the bear.

7. More time to see friends
Christmas seems to be the time everyone suddenly wants to catch up. As if the world will end on December 27th (This year its the 21st though - just a heads up) Being able to just go "Yup I'm free that day for more mulled wine" rather than checking in with the other half is extremely liberating.

8. Great excuse to volunteer
We all say it every year "I'm going to spend time helping a charity!" but lets be honest....how many of us have ever done that? If you find yourself single, but don't relish the thought of going home - do one of the best things you can ever do and be completely selfless over the holiday season. (Especially after eating all the green triangles)

Contact your local hostel, pet shelter, homeless centre, old folks home or hospice - they might all appreciate an extra pair of hands to cook, clean or entertain over the festive season. And if you're in London Crisis at Christmas are still looking for volunteers.

What about you? Do you have any other reasons to add as to why it's better to be blissfully single this time of year? Leave us a comment or send us a Tweet! Tweet to @GrabaSpoon

Would you invite your ex to your wedding?

Will Brad be at Jennifer's Wedding?

Panda phoned Owl in such a rush the other night, she didn't even say the obligatory "Hi, how are you?"


P: "Did you know Jennifer Aniston is engaged?!"

O: "What? What is this? What do you mean? What the? WHAT?"

P: "I KNOW!!! Who even knew! I'm reading an article and it looks like her husband to be- Justin Theroux- has invited Brad and Angelina!" (quick search on IMDB to see who Justin Theroux is).


Queue discussion point- would ex's be invited to YOUR wedding?


Owl thinks...
Ex's at my Wedding? HELLS NO! And that goes for both sides. I'm not one for double standards.

It's just too weird. You think being friends with an ex is weird - have them celebrate the first day of the rest of your life with someone else. How can that not be weird?

I think How I Met Your Mother said it best - there are too many opportunities for old feelings to get brought up. Obviously you would hope that if you're marrying someone you are not going to ditch them at the alter for your ex. But what about other feelings? Jealousy? Anger? Lust? "What if's?" about the one that didn't work out?

What if you and that ex had considered marriage? Possibly even BEEN engaged? C'mon you're telling me THAT'S not weird?

Remember I am talking as someone that almost got married. My ex asked me about inviting his ex (the crazy psycho one) I think the look in my eyes said a lot more a lot quicker than my mouth did because he very quickly back-pedalled.

I think this is an easier issue for guys to deal with than girls. Look at Jen - it's her hubby to be that is wanting to invite Brangelina. I think men - once they've got a ring on your finger, feel a lot more secure. Maybe its that whole "owning/she's my property" thing. (Feminists please put down your pickaxes. It's a theory - not fact and I'm not saying I agree or like it).

Whereas for us girls it's our wedding day. We are the centre of attention, and for that one day we'd like to pretend that we are the only girl he has ever loved or even thought about. Pretty hard to do that with the ex smiling (or glaring) up at you from the 4th row isn't it?

It's just an added stress that no bride should have to deal with on such an important day. Your wedding day is about the two of you, and your love, and on this day yours is the only love that ever has been and ever will be.

Owl the romantic? Naaah.....

PS. My only amendment to this rule, is if said ex is an important and regular part of your social circle, and you probably already hang out with her as a friend already. And if this is the case it's probably unlikely they were very much serious in the first place.


Panda thinks...
... that it totally depends. It's interesting, I actually have a decent relationship with most of my ex's- some of them I talk to quite often, others it's a passing comment on Facebook. I can think of 2, maybe even 3 that I might consider inviting to my wedding. Some of them have been a part of my life for over a decade, how could I not invite them? Of course, I'd have to take into consideration the feelings of my hubby-to-be (apparently it would be his wedding too).

However, flip the coin- would I feel comfortable with my fiancé inviting HIS ex's? It's a double standard, but I don't know how content I would be. It would really depend upon his relationship with them, and his intentions on inviting them. I couldn't have any old skank turning up. What if they still had a flame burning? Would they try to sabotage my big day? Do I want to see the Love of my Life's past as we take our first step into our future?

Should old girlfriends be invited to the same events as new girlfriends? Ex's, new partners and weddings, perhaps they shouldn't mix. And if they are not close friends, or mutual friends, perhaps the past needs to stay in the past...

Overall, it seems to be a touchy area, and every single person will have their own views. I wonder what the guys think...

We know its a tricky situation Jen, hang in there, we're trying to work it out!

What's your take on the subject? Would you invite your ex? How would you feel if your fiancé asked about inviting their ex?

Tweet to @GrabaSpoon

Read the article that sparked our conversation here.
Find out who Justin Theroux is here.

The girls as friend’s scenario

I’ve always found myself to be pretty chill about boyfriends having girls as friends. I think even from my early teen years I saw girls freaking out with jealousy over their guys having friends of the opposite sex and I always thought it was so pointless. If they wanted to be with them....they would be! The guy is with you for a reason...dumbass.

And yes you can often enter into the slightly murkier territories of a past between the two of them, one fancied the other, one maybe still fancies the other (presumably not the one you’re going out with) etc etc but by the by there is a reason why they are friends and not partners.

Let’s look at this objectively – it is GOOD to have friends of the opposite sex. How many times have you just sat back chilling with the guys and thought how nice it is to have a different friend dynamic to always being “with the girls”. How often have you gone to a male friend for advice? “Why do men...?” “What does he mean by....?” “Should I...?” (FYI the answer will almost always invariably be some variation of “stop over-thinking things”.)  Isn't it nice to think that your guy has people he can do the same thing with? Women are always complaining about men not understanding them. How do we expect men to understand us if we ban them from communicating with other women?

Now don’t get me wrong. I am nowhere near the cool, calm, level-headed woman I am making out to be. Sometimes certain female friends fill me with such despair and anxiety that I don’t know how to cope. In the case of ‘The’ ex,  he had his ex that broke his heart and the “best friend” that had been in love with him since forever as two of his closest mates. And boy were they vindictive little bitches when they wanted to be. But I saw it, and ultimately I didn't distrust him, and in my effort to stick to my morals and not having a problem with my guy having girl/friends I actually probably shot myself in the foot a bit and caused more heartache than necessary.  Hey-ho; live and learn.

I guess my point is that that initial twinge of jealousy when you hear a female name is the person he’s having a drink with is natural. You care about him and (probably due to some evolutionary reason) you want to be the only woman in his life. But that just aint gonna’ happen. So just keep a close eye on it. If you find yourself uttering words of jealousy, or worse – insisting you also tag along, you may have a slight issue. And then even if this does happen...talk to your other half. If he is a decent guy he will understand, and be able to reassure you. He may have even felt the same about some of your male friends, and it might also give him an opportunity to voice that.

But imagine how you would feel if you told him not to hang out with your brothers mate that you've known since you were 9? “Who the heck is he telling me that? I’ve known Bob forever, we always watch the footie together on Sundays!” yeah...now hear those words being said about you and that’s exactly how he may feel. Bare that in mind the next time that little green eyed monster raises its ugly head. Placate it with chocolate and the reminder that he is with you for a reason. He loves and cares about you, and spending time with women – seeing more of how our complex minds work, will actually make him a better boyfriend to you. How could that ever be a bad thing? 

"Mr I"

Men – we are not mind readers any more than you are!

This isn’t a ranty post I promise. Its more of an angsty – actually kinda sad post. But also a little mad at the same time.

“Mr I” – the guy with whom I had many months build up only for it to kind of fizzle into an awesome friendship, recently dropped a bombshell. The “I like you” bombshell. Now obviously I kinda knew this a few months ago given our relationship at the time. But then when you meet up several times and are basically just hanging as friends with nothing physical and then don’t see each other for 6 weeks what’s a gal supposed to think? AND especially considering the last time I tried to bring up a conversation about where we were I got relentlessly mocked and made to feel like a total Muppet, I wasn’t prepared to go through with that again so…I just left it.

And then this gal got on with things. Having fun, dating etc. Hey we never said we were exclusive. Far from it. Heck we never said we were anything to be honest. Yet somehow the green-eyed monster has reared its evil little head when I started dating someone new. And not even dating as yet, a simple second date and you could smell the jealousy in the air.

And now I feel like the bad guy! And seriously – where was this declaration 2 months ago? You know – when I was crazy about him? Why now?

Despite many (many) conversations with Panda and other girlfriends, I still don’t have the answer. But I don’t know what to do. He says he doesn't know what he wants, he knows things weren't working out between us, but he still wants us to be more than friends.

Ugh! This is hard! Or maybe its not. Really you can’t force these things, and the bottom line is…I don’t feel that way any more. But I would hate to loose him from my life – just not at the price of his feelings.

If only he was honest about them. I have a feeling his downplaying this somewhat. But I can only take so much responsibility for someone else’s feelings.

I just hope it is a simple case of pettiness and after a couple of weeks he’ll realise hes being silly and we can go back to being mates. I hope that’s possible. Because as Harry and Sally once asked: “Can a man and woman ever be just friends?”