Being 'out there'- meeting people beyond Online Dating

So, I'm going through my daily trawl of the dating website, of messages I have received. Don't be happy for me. Most of the messages I receive are daft one-liners, usually "hi" or something just as meaningless to me. I was feeling a bit lonely and thought I'd have a look at what the site had to offer.

I came across one guy who seemed interesting, and the site said we were pretty much a good match (based on all the statistical factoring and data configuration no less- Friends Bods will know what I'm on about). Anyway, I thought I'd take a mini leap and send him a message. Turns out, he had already messaged me last year.

"I like your breasts".

Hmmm. It was a frustrating one. I had read through his profile, looked at his statistics and thought this would be a mature person I could at least have a conversation with. I was wrong. Feeling a little affronted, I replied:

"Hmmm. Just read through your profile. Seemed a decent profile, then, as I opened up the message, I realised you messaged me last year. 'I like your breasts'. Well, most people do. Not the kind of opening line I cherish though."

He was quick to reply:

"Well when it comes to honesty I don't hold back. This site is full of people doing the equivalent of 'talking about the weather'. :) Good luck with your search!"

Is this what I'm searching for? Is this what I expect?

That got me thinking. What the hell am I searching for? I mean, in the grand scheme of things, I know what I want- a decent guy who treats me well, ambitious, funny, loving and caring blah blah. But do I really believe I am going to find it on a website?

He is right, the site is full of people "talking about the weather". I have met a couple of guys on there, those who were "highly matched" who ended up annoying the hell out of me after a couple of dates. I'm sure the site's master computer would argue that I have entered some details wrong, or that I am not being authentic online, or something. The long and short of it is, there is only so far I can go when "meeting" someone online.

At the risk of sounding like an old bag, I miss the days when I would go out and just meet guys. There were times when I would meet 3 or 4 guys on the same night, go out on dates with them, and then the following week start the process again. I know, this was when I was a little younger, and I had a different type of energy. And yes, I am probably looking for something different in a guy than I was 7 years ago. But I still miss meeting guys when out and about, using my instinct to judge his character, seeing his reactions to me, reading body language and so on. What happened to that?

Many a face I have made at an online message

As technology advances, are we doomed to hide behind laptops and smartphones, using computers to pick out potential mates, spend months "talking" through texts and messages before having any actual face to face contact?

On the flip side, I know a few people who have met their current partners online, and they aren't complete dullards, or douche-bags  This is only a teeny ray of hope for me though, because for everyone I know that has found someone good for them, there are 10 who make that "what the actual f*ck?" face every time they check their messages.

This is why I'm taking a stand. I'm making it my mission to be out there more. And I do mean out there- just like Charlotte in SATC. I want to see and be seen again. I want to be approached and have actual conversations with guys in real life. Remember those? Yes, its nerve wracking and frightening, and yes, its a tad awkward at first, but you know what? I got less "I like your breasts" comments face to face when I met guys the old fashioned way. That's got to mean something.

A question about Online Daring Etiquette...

Just a quick one guys. It's all about online dating.

I'm not brand new to the activity, and I know how to sift through the horny and the hungry. I read men's approaches and decide whether they are worth messaging back, based on their profiles and pictures (sorry, I'm not going to pretend that looks don't matter!) Of course, I try to be outgoing as well, so I have made the first contact with guys I thought had a decent profiles and / or were cute.

So, I made contact with a guy who met both the criteria points, responding to some personal information on his profile to start a dialogue. It was about a day before he replied:

"Hi... Glad you liked my profile and you sound lovely. But you're not really my type of girl. Good luck finding someone! Take care."

Hmmm.

Now, rejection of any kind is never easy to swallow. I appreciate that he was polite, honest and direct. But that made no difference. I was offended. I know I shouldn't have been offended... Or at least that didn't appear to be his intention. But it felt crappy, really crappy.

So, what's the general feeling around Online Dating etiquette? Is it better to ignore the person you're not attracted to or interested in, or send them a psuedo-polite message of rejection?

(Can you tell what side I'm on?)

The reverse cougar (Dating history tale)

Dating history tales

Sometimes you just need to hear about the sad, wonderful, inspiring and often downright WEIRD dating experiences of others. This series of blog posts will recount a tale from our pasts - purely for your own amusement. Enjoy and feel free to read more here. 

I had been single for about 18 months when my friend Jane's mother invited me on a speed dating-esque type night. She said she'd agreed to help out a friend to run it, we'd get a couple of free drinks and it could be a laugh. Having just recently seen "Yes Man" I thought "Sure why not - you never know"

So we get to this teeny little downstairs bar in London and it seems not much help is actually needed so we settle ourselves down with our drinks. A few women come up to us and all seem to know friends mum, and also look at me a little puzzled.

Then one woman introduces a man (Lets call him Adam) who seemed a bit quiet and asked if we mind if he sat with us "Sure sure, sit down". So we now have a good table conversation going and I suddenly start to note a few phrases being repeated:

"What's your username?"

"Oh! Did you post the XYZ thread?"

I have nothing against forum meet ups but whatever this forum is I am not a part of it so feel kind of out of place. And then comes the cherry on the cake when one woman turns to me and says "So who are you looking for here? Surely not much of an age difference - you must like them really young"

I smile politely, very confused and dart a sideways look at Jane's mum - who is laughing. I confess I have no idea what's going on before having to have it spelt out. This is a meet up for older women and younger men.

Again no problem with that in theory....except I was 22 at the time. This woman has a point, just how young do they think I want a guy? No wonder I was getting weird looks all night! Deciding to make the best of a weird situation I think to myself "at least the pressures off now. I can just have some drinks and a laugh" Well....drinks was the operative word.

Fast forward through 4 hours of dancing, drinking, chatting and more drinking to me, Jane's Mum, her friend and Adam playing drinking games at Jane's Mum's. (Jane had moved out) One by one everyone claims sofa space and passes out and I'm left with Adam. Before I know what's happening we're making out in Jane's bedroom and the only thought I have is "this is the most action this room has ever seen"

(Ohh forgot to mention - Jane's mum is crazy religious type. But by this point all I could think was "heck - she ain't my mum, and she dragged me into this in the first place!") Next morning the "older ladies" can't believe it. They clearly never thought of me as competition and there I was getting it on with one of their prime candidates!

I never spoke to him again, it was purely a bit of a laugh after a few drinks. But most definitely one of my weirdest hook ups ever. How do you get past the thought that he would've probably preferred my mate's mum...

Online Dating - Weird Messages

I've been on a dating website for a few months now, and suffice to say, it hasn't yielded much for me. No more than I would expect from a typical night out at a club- a few nutters, some people acting like their on drugs, the (very) occasional interesting guy to turns out to be dry. Mostly men I don't find very attractive. But hey, sometimes, all you want is a bit of a dance and a conversation! 

My expectations of meeting Mr Right on the site aren't high at all, but it does serve as just another way to meet people I guess. Personally, I only reply to the ones who I am attracted to physically and who reference my profile directly. So, not many.

I have received a couple of funny messages I'd like to share. I'm not sure if it's just me, or whether its normal to attract weirdos. Anyway, have a look and PLEASE let me know if you can relate! I can't be the only one out here! 

These ones are initial messages- they have received absolutely no prompts from me...



erm... I've never heard from you before. Ever.

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... really?

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Enough said.

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SERIOUSLY?

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SERIOUSLY???

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This one was my fault, I mentioned in public that I was reading 50 Shades...




er, if you actually READ what I said about the book, then you would know that was a firm NO.

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I didn't realise my personal page was a dating service. Interestingly enough, you can barely see the to other girls in my picture and neither are on the dating website themselves... And if you're looking for a white girl you're really on the wrong profile mate!

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I received THIS one very recently. How interesting...



I think the word you're looking for is BUSTED! For the record, I think I may have spoken to this guy, but wasn't interested at all (call it women's intuition...)

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I have had a couple of dates with some of the more mature guys off the site, but didn't even reached first base with them. They just haven't tickled my fancy (and perhaps I haven't quite tickled theirs). I've decided not to take it too seriously. If nothing else, being on it has provided me with some interesting entertainment!

Do you have any funny, weird, scary messages you'd like to share? I'd love to hear them!