Over-thinking being nice? THIS is a problem...

Just a quick post. I realise we haven't posted in a while. As with everyone in this crazy jungle of life, things just gets away from us sometimes. Owl has a lot going on with work etc and I was off everything "dating" for a bit, trying to mentally recharge.

Well, I'm back again, trying to navigate this scary and often frustrating world of dating. In fact, I just started seeing this guy, and we seemed to get along for the first few dates. However, he recently told me that his parent has been taken seriously ill. 

I have given him space because he seems to be completely focused on that (understandably!) The thing is,  I want him to know that I am thinking of him, and I want to be supportive. However, how supportive can I really be? I don't know him so well to visit his mum (I've never even met her- its only been a few dates after all!) And I don't want to bombard him with supportive texts and phone calls, I just don't know whether that would be useful.

"I made this just for you- hope your mum feels better"
I don't think this will work...

This is not a "shall I give her a mix-tape or house key?" dilemma. I want to show him that I care, but I don't want to bother him, or become overbearing. There is also the small nagging voice in the back of my mind that tells me that this would be a good excuse for him to use to back out of seeing me again. 

(No, I haven't used this excuse before... nor anything like it... ahem...)

Its a possible "He's just not that into you" kind of situation. I hate those. They have you second guessing the smallest things. They even have you second guessing second guessing.

Well, after a few days over-thinking it, I decided not to over-think it. I will send him a message, letting him know I'm thinking of him, then take it from there. There is nothing wrong with me letting him know that I care. That's meant to be a good thing. And if he doesn't appreciate it, if he's too busy to get back right away, if he decides that he thinks I'm overbearing well, that's fine. Because no matter what, I am being true to myself, and the man I will end up with after all this dating malarkey will understand that.

Until then? Well, I have plenty going on to pass the time. Overthinking is no longer on that list.

Panda x

Chemistry is right, but what about the rest?

The more I meet people, the more I realise that having the right chemistry with someone is important.Two people need to have an unspoken connection between them for their relationship to work. But what about when only the chemistry is right? What happens when its the stuff surrounding the chemistry that causes problems?

Getting to know you...

A couple of days ago I was out with some friends, and got talking to a friend of a friend (you know how it goes). I think it started when I quoted a film quote (to be honest I'm still pretty proud of the reference!) and he got it immediately. A great spark was lit. It was great, we found out that we liked the same books, we enjoyed the same movies, we even had the same sense of humour (you guys know me well enough now to know that this is top of my list!) Even some of my friends commented on the energy between us.

There's just one teeny detail that could potentially get in the way. His wife.

Who would get on with this?

Now, I just want to make clear that other than chatting, nothing happened at all. As it stands, I draw a thick, red, poisonous line when it comes to wrecking someone's marriage. But we got on so well, so instantly, it was scary. 

This phenomenon has been happening a lot for me recently. I reconnected with a friend on Facebook (again, from a previous work role) who I get on with like a house on fire (btw I've never understood that phrase... no one gets on with a beloved burning home). We went to dinner and to the cinema, just as friends, and had a great time. Again, our tastes were similar, and the humour was on par. Unfortunately I'm just not attracted to him. Not even slightly.

It leads me to consider the opposite- what about relationships when everything is right except the chemistry? It isn't usually easy for me to find the right connection with a guy. Many of the men I've dated over the past 2 years haven't quite had what I was looking for, and yet, I have tried to compromise anyway, because they're "a nice guy". Each and every one of these relationships has died a rapid, sinking death. Clearly for me, chemistry is supremely important.

The universe has been playing some divine tricks on me recently when it comes to dating. Great guy, no chemistry. Great chemistry, married. What the heck?! This is probably some sort of message, or part of a greater plan of some kind. What I have surmised so far is that perhaps I need to be a teeny bit more specific about what I'm looking for in a man. Like, can I have chemistry and be attracted to the guy too? Oh, and also (if its not too much trouble) can this guy be SINGLE and AVAILABLE (although you'd think this would be a given!)

The Thrifty Guy with no Shame (Dating history tale)

Dating history tales

Sometimes you just need to hear about the sad, wonderful, inspiring and often downright WEIRD dating experiences of others. This series of blog posts will recount a tale from our pasts - purely for your own amusement. Enjoy and feel free to read more here. 

So, I will begin by saying that I have NEVER been the type of girl to be concerned about money. It is important that a guy has ambition, and isn't afraid to work. My longest term boyfriend was unemployed when we met. However, there is a difference between having a lack of money and being downright cheap.

I met this guy in a club when I was in my very early 20's. He was really funny and made me laugh, and as you all probably know by now, this is the quickest way to my heart. So I gave him my number. Our first date was a quiet walk in the park. Nothing happened, but we got to know each other a little better. Turns out, he was a comedian (hence the funniness) and he was in his early 30's. No real problem there (I have never had a real issue with age) and the date was nice.

What are you, 12?
This is a date, not an outing!

So, second date time and we're planning on going to the cinema. I'm dressed nicely, in a cute skirt and top, nice handbag, hair done to perfection. He turns up in a baggy T-Shirt, baggy joggers and one of those pull-string Nike bags on his back. Erm, why did I bother even doing my hair?

We meet and he asks me if I want anything to eat, so I say that I fancy some Chinese. So we walk around and I pick a decent looking restaurant (I use the terms "decent" and "restaurant" fairly loosely here) and we sit to choose food. He says he's not eating anything, which I find a bit strange, why would you go to a restaurant and not eat? So I pick my meal and eat, and he practically watches me do so. Then, when the bill comes (it cant be more than £3.60) he stares at me and says "I'm paying for the cinema, so you can pay for the meal."

Now, please allow me to reiterate, I am not a money grabbing type of girl, nor do I expect a man to finance my existence. However, if you are trying to impress me on a date, the least you can do is pay for my meal. Especially when it is so cheap! A simple gesture I think, especially since we are both adults (one of us more than the other). To add insult to injury, the cinema tickets cost about £3 each! What sort of horrible budget date is this?

I didn't have any money on me at the time (I assumed I was being taken out!), so I had to go to the cash point, and I'm telling you, I had the urge to jump on the bus and just go home, leaving him with the bill. But I just cant do that to a person (plus, I don't want to bump into him at a comedy club and I end up in the firing line of some stupid joke). So I come back and pay for the meal.

A free ride in London
(providing you don't get caught!)

It gets better. So, we need to get to the cinema, and we have to miss a couple of buses because he has no money on his Oyster Card and he needs to jump on a bendy bus (remember London's brief fascination with bendy buses?) Are you freaking kidding me? By now, I just want to get to the cinema to see the film (it was Idlewild and I had a crush on Andre 3000 and a girl crush on Paula Patton). The bus was packed, so I spent 10mins with his arms around me (**shudder**).

Needless to say, I saw the film, but didn't see him again. I have my standards. Being so horribly thrifty on a date is a complete turn off. 

To this day I feel like I was part of a horrible social experiment, or recorded skit or something. He's been on TV before, and if I mentioned his Comedy name he'd come up straight away on a Google Images search. But I'm not going to, its too embarrassing for him (and I'm not a bad lady really). However, if you see this story played out on TV let me know and I'll happily show you a mugshot...

A question about Online Daring Etiquette...

Just a quick one guys. It's all about online dating.

I'm not brand new to the activity, and I know how to sift through the horny and the hungry. I read men's approaches and decide whether they are worth messaging back, based on their profiles and pictures (sorry, I'm not going to pretend that looks don't matter!) Of course, I try to be outgoing as well, so I have made the first contact with guys I thought had a decent profiles and / or were cute.

So, I made contact with a guy who met both the criteria points, responding to some personal information on his profile to start a dialogue. It was about a day before he replied:

"Hi... Glad you liked my profile and you sound lovely. But you're not really my type of girl. Good luck finding someone! Take care."

Hmmm.

Now, rejection of any kind is never easy to swallow. I appreciate that he was polite, honest and direct. But that made no difference. I was offended. I know I shouldn't have been offended... Or at least that didn't appear to be his intention. But it felt crappy, really crappy.

So, what's the general feeling around Online Dating etiquette? Is it better to ignore the person you're not attracted to or interested in, or send them a psuedo-polite message of rejection?

(Can you tell what side I'm on?)

The Tate Modern (Date spot review)

Tate Modern

http://www.tate.org.uk

Call +44 (0)20 7887 8888 

Bankside

London SE1 9TG

United Kingdom

It was my first date with a guy I'd met on a dating website, and we'd spoken via text. I asked him to plan the entire date, and he was happy to. He told me to meet him at Southwark Station, and then we could take a walk to the Tate Modern.

It was about a 10 min walk from both Southwark and London Bridge Station, along the river and right opposite St Paul's Cathederal. I am very comfortable walking in heels, but if youre not, it may be best to walk in flats.

I cant say that "into" modern art. I dont know much about what is going on, and I cant always "read into" the connotations of a slash in a sheet of canvas, or a host of metal coils dangling from the ceiling. However, I didnt let that get in the way of my fun! We chatted about what we thought each piece of art could mean, then compared it to its actual meaning, and spent most of the time chatting away about our general likes and dislikes.

When we decided we'd had enough, he led me up to the 6th floor, where there is a darling bar. I didnt even know it was there! They have stools that face a window, giving you a view of the river and St Pauls.

I had two cocktails, and my date had a beer and then a glass off rum. It was comfortable and ever so fancy, with the option of dining at the restaurant. We were the until about 11pm, chatting away and enjoying a nice, casual evening.

Pros

• Free to enter
• Food and drinks available in the bar

Cons

• Drinks were on the pricey side (cocktails typically £9)
• Lots of walking involved

Great Date for?

• Good first date- get to know each others likes and dislikes
• Something different

Cost

Although it was free to enter, the food and drinks were rather pricey.

Romance rating

Non-mushy Valentines!

I have seen many a post talking about how to be single on Valentines. All well and good - if I were single I'd be reading the crap outta those!

However the only other posts I've seen are the gooey, slushy, cupid-ey...vomit inducing posts. Now this is coming from a life long romantic. But even I am starting to get sick of the sight of this over-forced "romance". It feels forced and completely fake - as you may have seen on my previous post it's about the everyday romance. 

So where does that leave me on Valentines Day? I dont want to reject it on principle because I do like to mark it and remember that romance is important - but guys, I will totally be judging you on your originality!

What sparked this post was realising the new Die Hard movie is being released on Valentines Day. ELB commented to me that "There are gonna be some very annoyed women in that theatre on Thursday!" But actually....why should they be? Considering the crap rom-coms that have been produced lately if we were going to the cinema I'd MUCH rather see Bruce Willis being his awesome self! 

So c'mon guys. Don't subject your beautiful, intelligent and individual woman to the sterotype that we just want chocolates and flowers and an overpriced meal. (NB from Panda: "Although also never forget that every girl likes flowers!") and plan something she would really enjoy this Thursday.

If she loves chocolate instead of the "1/3 off supermarket special" why dont you book a chocolate making class for later in the month. Or plan an at home chocolate tasting? 

Sci-Fi fan? Tell her you're going to this summers convention and you'll even go in costume for her. (Yeah I'm not going to lie to you -that's my one!) 

Whatever you do, make it personal and dont feel pressured to eat another Love Heart or buy another plastic rose..

Electric Cinema (Date spot review)

Electric Cinema
http://www.electriccinema.co.uk

020 7908 9696 

191 Portobello Road
London
W11 2ED

I first saw this place advertised on "I know a great little place in London"'s Facebook page. I lot of people I mentioned it to knew said they had heard of it many moons ago but then it closed down for quite a while (I think there was a fire). But now it is open again, flourishing and it is absolutely amazing!

Ideally situated on Portabello Road it is a very short walk from Ladbroke Grove tube station, but also not too far from Notting Hill Gate and a variety of other stations.

Top tip: Do not miss the opportunity to walk along the market singing "Portabello Road...Portabello Road. Anything and everything a chap can unload" from Bedknobs and Broomsticks

If you love old school glamour this is the place for you. We arrived, and even though I knew where we were going I was blown away with the beauty. From the old school pick n mix in glass jars to the retro till, to the red velvet curtains everything was glamorous and beautiful.

While we waited for the curtains to open (and there was me worrying about being late) we bought some fresh warm donuts. Now I never thought I'd say this but "Krispy Kremes...move aside! We have a new winner! I wont say much more - just experience the delight for yourself!

I had booked us one of the sofas at the back, but we have already decided that we will be returning at some point to try out the full length beds at the front! It was lovely being able to watch a movie (especially one as long as 'The Hobbit') in the same luxury you would at home. Actually more so....I know my sofa isn't velvet and I certainly don't own a cashmere blanket!

We decided to pass on the bar as it was fairly early and instead I snuck off to the corner shop to bring back some coke and popcorn. This is when we learnt we physically cannot watch a movie in the cinema without popcorn! A bit cheeky but they didn't seem to mind, especially as we had no option to buy popcorn there.

Overall a beautiful date that I was really pleased to have organised. If I had been taken there as a surprise or on a first date I would have been SERIOUSLY impressed.

Pros

• Add a feeling of luxury and specialness to the traditional cinema date
• None of this "armrest in the ribcage" nonsense when you try and snuggle up to your date
• Distinct lack of children - almost purely an adults only venue (or at very least well-behaved children!)
• The donuts!

Cons

• Pricey
• Distinct lack of slurpy drinks, hotdogs and popcorn

Great date for?

• Special occasion
• Impressive first date
• Cosy couple date

Cost

Approximately £30 per person including the donuts, a drink and some sneaky snacks bought from the corner shop.

Romance rating

Single On Valentines (need I say more?)

So Valentine's is creeping its way to you. Suddenly, everything is turning red, everything is flavoured with chocolate and you are still single. Panda feels your pain.

All your friends seem to be married, engaged, in a new relationship, having babies, moving in, moving away and just happy in general. And as much as you're happy for them (maybe 80% like Rachel in Friends) there is that small part of you that doesn't want to hear anything about it.

And its all because of Valentines Day. If your friends are anything like mine, they don't care much about it either. But all the same, you don't want to be a part of it- not because you don't enjoy it, but because you're bombarded with images of people who are happy in their relationships whilst you suck the cream out of a Cadbury's Creme Egg waiting for Easter.

I'm not bitter (even though I sound it), I just want some alternatives. So, after a little online research, I have found the following methods to get through the day without any emotional scarring. Who knows, maybe we can enjoy the day without feeling the urge to push a kissing couple into a rose bush.

Stay in bed all day

Not the most feasible tactic, and may cause some unwanted probing from work the next day, but a good way to block out the entire experience... You know what, I've changed my mind. DO NOT DO THIS. It'll probably do more damage than good.

Go Speed Dating

Hmmm... a possible choice, as long as you don't think it seems desperate. Could be a lot of fun, especially if you go with another single friend. Don't get your hopes up on finding love though. Apparently, according to the rest of the world, all the good men are in relationships already...

Movie with a mate

Owl has said that over the pond in the grand US of A, Valentine's Day is more of a day of appreciation, and is not limited to just couples. With this in mind, a friend and I have made a pact- this year we are going to spend Valentines Day together. We're going to watch The Dark Knight Trilogy, eat popcorn and drink cider, thus having no romantic urges and blocking out anything even remotely Valentinesy.

Celebrate Yourself

Not to sound all hippy on y'all, but the biggest love of your life should be yourself. So, instead of spending the entire day in bed, pamper yourself. Make plans to get your hair done, or a lovely massage or pedicure. Enjoy your favourite meal, go for a walk in your favourite place. Find what makes you happy and DO IT. Appreciate yourself more. If you had a boyfriend, you might have considered getting him a nice gift, like an aftershave or something. Use that money and spend it on yourself. After all, you're worth it, aren't you?

Being single on Valentine's Day doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. There is always a guy out there willing to take you out. The real question is, would you prefer to spend your time with him or by yourself. At the moment, with the guys I know, my choice is definitely me. I'm a lot more fun, and I love me loads.

Valentines Day = Extra Brownie Points for Men Day

Panda is about to get very frank on y'all asses! This post is aimed at the guys- so take serious note, I'm about to impart some knowledge that will score you some seriously easy brownie points with your lady!

I'm talking about Valentines Day. Yep, Feb 14th is coming round, same as every year. I'm not going to lie to you- its all about women. This holiday was made for women to enjoy. Now, I know there is a substantial amount of people out there that don't "believe" in Valentines Day. I'd just like to point out that there is nothing to "believe" in. It exists. The End. Now that that's out of the way- What is the problem? Why would you NOT want to use this opportunity to show your lady how much you love and appreciate her? Why would you risk the possibility of disappointing her? So many men make a huge deal about celebrating Valentine's Day. If they could just put that same amount of energy into planning something nice, they would get so much more out of the experience.

I have been given so many reasons over the years as to why men DONT celebrate on Feb 14th. Below are some of the most popular ones I've heard. And for each ridiculous reason, I have a rebuttal. Read and Learn- fast!

I can show you that I love you any day of the year!

Rebuttal: But do you? Can you honestly say that you show your lady how much you love and appreciate her every single day? If you can then that's fantastic, making an effort on the 14th Feb will be just like any other day, right? If not, then why would you pass up the opportunity to make your lady feel special, wanted, adored?

It's just a way for retailers to make money!

Rebuttal: Who says you have to spend loads of money? It doesn't have to be a massive gesture. You don't have to take your partner away on holiday, or buy the most expensive gift Selfridges has in their window. Some additional, thoughtful effort is what we are looking for, and believe it or not, romance can be pretty cheap. If you're thrifty, a bottle of wine and a home cooked meal can be just as effective as an evening in a fancy restaurant. A lovely bottle of perfume and a night cuddled on the sofa can be just as appreciated as a new Alexa Mulberry bag with woven trim (hint?) The key word is here is EFFORT.

You just want to show off to your friends!

Rebuttal: Yes and no. Yes: we want to tell nice stories about our guy to our friends (it makes a change from us moaning about your annoying habits all the time). No: we don't want to show off. Some of our female friends don't have partners. We don't want to rub it in their faces that we had a lovely romantic Valentines Day! What kind of people do you think we are?

You said you didn't even like Valentines Day!

Rebuttal: We lied. (Its on similar lines as "No, nothing is wrong, I'm not mad" and "Its not you, its me") Somewhere along the line, women have learned to say this, in order to shield themselves from the embarrassment and disappointment of their partner not doing something nice for them on Feb 14th. We're lying. Regardless of whether we take the day very seriously, or whether we're not that bothered, no lady is going to say no to her partner making her feel special. Its that simple.

Score Easy Brownie Points

Here's a few ways to score some easy points with your lady.

• Check if your lady is running out of her favourite fragrance. We don't like to buy perfume, we like it to be bought for us. Plus, we will see the effort you have put in to getting something we like.

• Plan a romantic evening. Even if you're not THAT romantic (this makes even more of an impact!) Whether its recreating your first date, having a lovely evening together, you cooking / preparing / ordering a nice meal, rose petals on the bedspread with whipped cream and chocolate sauce... seriously, whatever floats your boat!

• Cheesy is still effective. We like chocolate. We appreciate flowers. What's difficult?

• Foot rubs and massages are always an easy way to make your lady feel special. Curl up on the sofa with your favourite movie and some nice snacks and get rubbing! Besides, rubbing tends to lead to other things... do you need more of a hint?

• If you can afford it, send your lady on a pamper day! Pay for a manicure, pedicure, massage, facial, hairstyling (all of the above) and have her meet you for dinner. You've spent so much on her, and she's happy and looks beautiful. And what do you get from a lady that is happy and feels beautiful? (Insert dirty memory here).What more could you want? 

• Buy your lady a toothbrush and some sexy underwear and give her a map. Have her  meet you at a lovely hotel and spend a romantic night together.

Seriously guys, don't miss an opportunity to score some serious brownie points! Why waste it? You know we respond well to effort and romance. If its really that painful for you to make this effort, grin and bare it. You know the rewards for it will be plentiful. You know this. So suck it up, take one for the team and do something nice for your lady. If you pull it off, it will be reciprocated. Trust me.

If you want some other ideas on lovely date ideas, just ask! We're here to offer advice- for the sake of men and women everywhere!

Online Dating - Weird Messages

I've been on a dating website for a few months now, and suffice to say, it hasn't yielded much for me. No more than I would expect from a typical night out at a club- a few nutters, some people acting like their on drugs, the (very) occasional interesting guy to turns out to be dry. Mostly men I don't find very attractive. But hey, sometimes, all you want is a bit of a dance and a conversation! 

My expectations of meeting Mr Right on the site aren't high at all, but it does serve as just another way to meet people I guess. Personally, I only reply to the ones who I am attracted to physically and who reference my profile directly. So, not many.

I have received a couple of funny messages I'd like to share. I'm not sure if it's just me, or whether its normal to attract weirdos. Anyway, have a look and PLEASE let me know if you can relate! I can't be the only one out here! 

These ones are initial messages- they have received absolutely no prompts from me...



erm... I've never heard from you before. Ever.

*

... really?

*

Enough said.

*

SERIOUSLY?

*

SERIOUSLY???

*

This one was my fault, I mentioned in public that I was reading 50 Shades...




er, if you actually READ what I said about the book, then you would know that was a firm NO.

*

I didn't realise my personal page was a dating service. Interestingly enough, you can barely see the to other girls in my picture and neither are on the dating website themselves... And if you're looking for a white girl you're really on the wrong profile mate!

*

I received THIS one very recently. How interesting...



I think the word you're looking for is BUSTED! For the record, I think I may have spoken to this guy, but wasn't interested at all (call it women's intuition...)

*

I have had a couple of dates with some of the more mature guys off the site, but didn't even reached first base with them. They just haven't tickled my fancy (and perhaps I haven't quite tickled theirs). I've decided not to take it too seriously. If nothing else, being on it has provided me with some interesting entertainment!

Do you have any funny, weird, scary messages you'd like to share? I'd love to hear them!

Christmassy dates

I have been in SUCH a Christmassy mood this month! WAY more so than I normally do. Not sure what it is this year but I'm feeling so festive.

And this has definitely shown in the amount of festive y dates I have had with ELB this month. However we are both on super tight budgets, so a lot of these have also been frugal festive fun. (What was that writing rule about alliteration?)

So as I'm sure you are all dying to know - here is my brief rundown of what we've been up to, and how it has been just so Christmassy!

Putting up the decorations

This has always been a big Christmas thing for me. Since moving out, it's been weird to now have to create my own traditions, and not always be at home to share in the old ones. Especially when you live alone and Christmas is generally a time for company. I was over the moon when back in the beginning of November ELB said he would love to put my decorations up with me. I was literally counting down the days!

I can often be quite Monica about my decorations too. But this year it felt so refreshing to just watch him delight in my various decorations (especially the ones bought in America) and decide on places to put them.

And I dont care what any feminists say - getting a man to do the difficult bits of climbing up high and hammering in nails is WELL worth it!

Walks around London

We spend an entire day walking from Liverpool Street to Surrey Docks farm where we'd heard there was a Christmas Fayre on. But we spent a blissful amount of time walking through the city, seeing the lights, drinking mulled wine in pubs and snuggling up against the cold of the Southbank.

When we got to the farm it was the teeniest little thing ever, but eating chestnuts as we walked around and took silly photos of the animals was very pleasent and reminded me about how much we need to value the simple things in life.

Christmas movies

How have I not watched Gremlins at Christmas for goodness knows how many years? How had he not watched the Muppets Christmas Carol since he was little? We don't know but we both quickly resolved those issues!

Mulled wine/Mulled cider

If you're having to spend a lot of time indoors because of the cold or lack of funds, make sure it smells festive - and also get drunk into the bargain! Nice one to combine with Christmas movies. Check out our Mulled Wine recipe here.

Lattes and last minute shopping

We took the bus into town purely to go to Starbucks and sit and enjoy the festive drinks. Starbucks obsession much? Nah surely not... Then we wandered around picking up a couple of last minute family bits before going for a last minute Chinese. The best bit? They gave us crackers and we got to sit there wearing the crowns! (Well I think he only did because I made him...)

Winter Wonderland

I had never been before, ELB could hardly believe his ears and immediately had to take me. Even though we're both broke it's well worth going if you are in London to soak up the Christmas atmosphere. My top tips:

• Take sandwiches and possibly take a thermos if you're really broke. Sit either in the carousel bar or by the firepit to enjou them.
• Invest in the ferris wheel - it's the best thing there! 
• Take loads of photos - especially by the polar bears.
• Don't get sucked in to making him win you a teddy because all the games are fixed.

And finally for the ultimate in making any date a Christmassy date...

Wear Christmas hats! 

(Even if he does protest a little...)