The Thrifty Guy with no Shame (Dating history tale)

Dating history tales

Sometimes you just need to hear about the sad, wonderful, inspiring and often downright WEIRD dating experiences of others. This series of blog posts will recount a tale from our pasts - purely for your own amusement. Enjoy and feel free to read more here. 

So, I will begin by saying that I have NEVER been the type of girl to be concerned about money. It is important that a guy has ambition, and isn't afraid to work. My longest term boyfriend was unemployed when we met. However, there is a difference between having a lack of money and being downright cheap.

I met this guy in a club when I was in my very early 20's. He was really funny and made me laugh, and as you all probably know by now, this is the quickest way to my heart. So I gave him my number. Our first date was a quiet walk in the park. Nothing happened, but we got to know each other a little better. Turns out, he was a comedian (hence the funniness) and he was in his early 30's. No real problem there (I have never had a real issue with age) and the date was nice.

What are you, 12?
This is a date, not an outing!

So, second date time and we're planning on going to the cinema. I'm dressed nicely, in a cute skirt and top, nice handbag, hair done to perfection. He turns up in a baggy T-Shirt, baggy joggers and one of those pull-string Nike bags on his back. Erm, why did I bother even doing my hair?

We meet and he asks me if I want anything to eat, so I say that I fancy some Chinese. So we walk around and I pick a decent looking restaurant (I use the terms "decent" and "restaurant" fairly loosely here) and we sit to choose food. He says he's not eating anything, which I find a bit strange, why would you go to a restaurant and not eat? So I pick my meal and eat, and he practically watches me do so. Then, when the bill comes (it cant be more than £3.60) he stares at me and says "I'm paying for the cinema, so you can pay for the meal."

Now, please allow me to reiterate, I am not a money grabbing type of girl, nor do I expect a man to finance my existence. However, if you are trying to impress me on a date, the least you can do is pay for my meal. Especially when it is so cheap! A simple gesture I think, especially since we are both adults (one of us more than the other). To add insult to injury, the cinema tickets cost about £3 each! What sort of horrible budget date is this?

I didn't have any money on me at the time (I assumed I was being taken out!), so I had to go to the cash point, and I'm telling you, I had the urge to jump on the bus and just go home, leaving him with the bill. But I just cant do that to a person (plus, I don't want to bump into him at a comedy club and I end up in the firing line of some stupid joke). So I come back and pay for the meal.

A free ride in London
(providing you don't get caught!)

It gets better. So, we need to get to the cinema, and we have to miss a couple of buses because he has no money on his Oyster Card and he needs to jump on a bendy bus (remember London's brief fascination with bendy buses?) Are you freaking kidding me? By now, I just want to get to the cinema to see the film (it was Idlewild and I had a crush on Andre 3000 and a girl crush on Paula Patton). The bus was packed, so I spent 10mins with his arms around me (**shudder**).

Needless to say, I saw the film, but didn't see him again. I have my standards. Being so horribly thrifty on a date is a complete turn off. 

To this day I feel like I was part of a horrible social experiment, or recorded skit or something. He's been on TV before, and if I mentioned his Comedy name he'd come up straight away on a Google Images search. But I'm not going to, its too embarrassing for him (and I'm not a bad lady really). However, if you see this story played out on TV let me know and I'll happily show you a mugshot...

Bohemian Boy (Dating history tales)

Dating history tales

Sometimes you just need to hear about the sad, wonderful, inspiring and often downright WEIRD dating experiences of others. This series of blog posts will recount a tale from our pasts - purely for your own amusement. Enjoy and feel free to read more here.

I was "sort of" dating this boy who was not my normal taste but a much needed 'palate cleanser'. He was my polar opposite in every way but that made it all the more interesting. I drew the line at this one though:

First time staying at his new place, I knew it would be sparse as he had only been there a week. However I did not expect the sleeping arrangements. Floor, duvet, 1 pillow -  no covers.

This would've been luxury!

Let's just take the time to think about this for a second. 1 pillow - between 2 for a girl who's used to sleeping  with 4 in various combinations. and 1 duvet to be both base and covers...just not gonna work!

But I put my 'big girl panties' on and made the best of it. "I can do this for a night - it could be fun!" (It wasn't)

It was even less fun the next two times I stayed over, including once after I had just worked an event all weekend and just wanted a bath and feather bed, and once when he was ill meaning neither of us got any sleep.

I mentioned it - several times. He honestly didn't see the issue. It was "bohemian" he said and even had the nerve to mockingly call me "Princess" (for wanting a bed? A hells yeah then I'm a Princess!)

Needless to say I stood by my guns when I said "Get a bed or I'm not staying here again"

The reverse cougar (Dating history tale)

Dating history tales

Sometimes you just need to hear about the sad, wonderful, inspiring and often downright WEIRD dating experiences of others. This series of blog posts will recount a tale from our pasts - purely for your own amusement. Enjoy and feel free to read more here. 

I had been single for about 18 months when my friend Jane's mother invited me on a speed dating-esque type night. She said she'd agreed to help out a friend to run it, we'd get a couple of free drinks and it could be a laugh. Having just recently seen "Yes Man" I thought "Sure why not - you never know"

So we get to this teeny little downstairs bar in London and it seems not much help is actually needed so we settle ourselves down with our drinks. A few women come up to us and all seem to know friends mum, and also look at me a little puzzled.

Then one woman introduces a man (Lets call him Adam) who seemed a bit quiet and asked if we mind if he sat with us "Sure sure, sit down". So we now have a good table conversation going and I suddenly start to note a few phrases being repeated:

"What's your username?"

"Oh! Did you post the XYZ thread?"

I have nothing against forum meet ups but whatever this forum is I am not a part of it so feel kind of out of place. And then comes the cherry on the cake when one woman turns to me and says "So who are you looking for here? Surely not much of an age difference - you must like them really young"

I smile politely, very confused and dart a sideways look at Jane's mum - who is laughing. I confess I have no idea what's going on before having to have it spelt out. This is a meet up for older women and younger men.

Again no problem with that in theory....except I was 22 at the time. This woman has a point, just how young do they think I want a guy? No wonder I was getting weird looks all night! Deciding to make the best of a weird situation I think to myself "at least the pressures off now. I can just have some drinks and a laugh" Well....drinks was the operative word.

Fast forward through 4 hours of dancing, drinking, chatting and more drinking to me, Jane's Mum, her friend and Adam playing drinking games at Jane's Mum's. (Jane had moved out) One by one everyone claims sofa space and passes out and I'm left with Adam. Before I know what's happening we're making out in Jane's bedroom and the only thought I have is "this is the most action this room has ever seen"

(Ohh forgot to mention - Jane's mum is crazy religious type. But by this point all I could think was "heck - she ain't my mum, and she dragged me into this in the first place!") Next morning the "older ladies" can't believe it. They clearly never thought of me as competition and there I was getting it on with one of their prime candidates!

I never spoke to him again, it was purely a bit of a laugh after a few drinks. But most definitely one of my weirdest hook ups ever. How do you get past the thought that he would've probably preferred my mate's mum...