Non-mushy Valentines!

I have seen many a post talking about how to be single on Valentines. All well and good - if I were single I'd be reading the crap outta those!

However the only other posts I've seen are the gooey, slushy, cupid-ey...vomit inducing posts. Now this is coming from a life long romantic. But even I am starting to get sick of the sight of this over-forced "romance". It feels forced and completely fake - as you may have seen on my previous post it's about the everyday romance. 

So where does that leave me on Valentines Day? I dont want to reject it on principle because I do like to mark it and remember that romance is important - but guys, I will totally be judging you on your originality!

What sparked this post was realising the new Die Hard movie is being released on Valentines Day. ELB commented to me that "There are gonna be some very annoyed women in that theatre on Thursday!" But actually....why should they be? Considering the crap rom-coms that have been produced lately if we were going to the cinema I'd MUCH rather see Bruce Willis being his awesome self! 

So c'mon guys. Don't subject your beautiful, intelligent and individual woman to the sterotype that we just want chocolates and flowers and an overpriced meal. (NB from Panda: "Although also never forget that every girl likes flowers!") and plan something she would really enjoy this Thursday.

If she loves chocolate instead of the "1/3 off supermarket special" why dont you book a chocolate making class for later in the month. Or plan an at home chocolate tasting? 

Sci-Fi fan? Tell her you're going to this summers convention and you'll even go in costume for her. (Yeah I'm not going to lie to you -that's my one!) 

Whatever you do, make it personal and dont feel pressured to eat another Love Heart or buy another plastic rose..

Everyday Romance

Following on from Panda's post about Valentine's day being a chance for men to win some serious brownie points, I began thinking a little more about romance. And what really is romance?

Ok sure we've got the roses, the champagne, the fancy dinner etc etc. But these are things that anyone  who has seen a chick-flick and owns a credit card can do. For me romance is about those little every day things. More importantly than that it's about knowing the person you are being romantic with..

Sure the big gestures are always appreciated - don't get me wrong. But they will mean SO much more if you stop and think for a little bit about what she (or he) will really appreciate. What will show them that you have listened and paid attention to what they love and enjoy? There is no point committing to a 2hr foot massage if she is squeamish about having her feet touched is there? But remembering a throwaway comment from 6 month ago about that shower gel that reminds her of her Gran will win you more points than you know!

But it doesn't have to be big. The little things mean just as much - if not more because you can do these things every single day.

Walking past your significant others favourite bakery and picking up that shortbread biscuit she loves on the way home from work - just because. Does it drive your partner mad when you always leave your socks in the living room? Make a real effort to pick them up and put them in the hamper.

Seeing that they have had a tough day at work and even though it's their turn to cook, throwing dinner together (or at least phoning for her favourite pizza) whilst running her a bath. Has she been going on about seeing the new Ryan Gosling film even though you hate him? Leave tickets for that evenings show by the side of the bed for her to discover when she wakes up.

Get creative - does she love a certain TV show? Take her on a "themed" weekend away to the film sets (Game of Thrones is mainly filmed in Ireland for example) or on a smaller scale set up a "theme night" at home. If she loves "50 first dates" turn your living room into Hawaii with some paper leis, scented candles and BBQ style dinner whilst you watch the movie together.

If you have a skill or talent - utilise it. Sure not all men can play an instrument or compose poetry - but again get thinking. I once made a guy a website when we couldn't be together for valentines day. There was a playlist of songs embedded, a short video from me and silly things like picture from our favourite childhood movies. It was goofy and cheesy but I had a lot of fun making it and he loved it.

Ultimately it comes down to the amount of thought and effort put in. The most romantic things often cost very little apart from some serious brainstorming.

Oh and please let me not forget the obvious. Words. Honestly spoken words go further than anything else. Tell her thank you. All the time, for every little thing that you appreciate. Compliment her beauty. Genuinely tell her what you love and appreciate about her. Mix it up.

"I really admire the way you handled that really difficult customer at work. I know it's not always easy to keep your cool but you did and I'm really impressed"

"This dinner is delicious - I love your home cooking, thank you so much sweetie"

"You look stunning in that dress, it fits you beautifully"

"You are an amazingly talented musician. I could listen to you play guitar for hours"

Trust me when I say you shouldn't limit romance to valentines day. These little actions will not only make you feel good because you are doing something just for her, but you will start to notice more little things being done for you. Which will then probably increase what you do. Smiles for you, smiles for her, all round fuzzy feelings and the world being just that little bit better. Sure it seems like "effort" at first, but before you realise it they will become second nature to you.

And that's what TRUE Romance is.

PS. For real added points

Always always always wish her goodnight and good morning. Kiss her eyelids as she sleepily opens them, text her "Sweet dreams beautiful", call her to wish her a good day at work. Let her know you are the first thing you think about in the morning and last thing before sleep.

Single On Valentines (need I say more?)

So Valentine's is creeping its way to you. Suddenly, everything is turning red, everything is flavoured with chocolate and you are still single. Panda feels your pain.

All your friends seem to be married, engaged, in a new relationship, having babies, moving in, moving away and just happy in general. And as much as you're happy for them (maybe 80% like Rachel in Friends) there is that small part of you that doesn't want to hear anything about it.

And its all because of Valentines Day. If your friends are anything like mine, they don't care much about it either. But all the same, you don't want to be a part of it- not because you don't enjoy it, but because you're bombarded with images of people who are happy in their relationships whilst you suck the cream out of a Cadbury's Creme Egg waiting for Easter.

I'm not bitter (even though I sound it), I just want some alternatives. So, after a little online research, I have found the following methods to get through the day without any emotional scarring. Who knows, maybe we can enjoy the day without feeling the urge to push a kissing couple into a rose bush.

Stay in bed all day

Not the most feasible tactic, and may cause some unwanted probing from work the next day, but a good way to block out the entire experience... You know what, I've changed my mind. DO NOT DO THIS. It'll probably do more damage than good.

Go Speed Dating

Hmmm... a possible choice, as long as you don't think it seems desperate. Could be a lot of fun, especially if you go with another single friend. Don't get your hopes up on finding love though. Apparently, according to the rest of the world, all the good men are in relationships already...

Movie with a mate

Owl has said that over the pond in the grand US of A, Valentine's Day is more of a day of appreciation, and is not limited to just couples. With this in mind, a friend and I have made a pact- this year we are going to spend Valentines Day together. We're going to watch The Dark Knight Trilogy, eat popcorn and drink cider, thus having no romantic urges and blocking out anything even remotely Valentinesy.

Celebrate Yourself

Not to sound all hippy on y'all, but the biggest love of your life should be yourself. So, instead of spending the entire day in bed, pamper yourself. Make plans to get your hair done, or a lovely massage or pedicure. Enjoy your favourite meal, go for a walk in your favourite place. Find what makes you happy and DO IT. Appreciate yourself more. If you had a boyfriend, you might have considered getting him a nice gift, like an aftershave or something. Use that money and spend it on yourself. After all, you're worth it, aren't you?

Being single on Valentine's Day doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. There is always a guy out there willing to take you out. The real question is, would you prefer to spend your time with him or by yourself. At the moment, with the guys I know, my choice is definitely me. I'm a lot more fun, and I love me loads.

Valentines Day = Extra Brownie Points for Men Day

Panda is about to get very frank on y'all asses! This post is aimed at the guys- so take serious note, I'm about to impart some knowledge that will score you some seriously easy brownie points with your lady!

I'm talking about Valentines Day. Yep, Feb 14th is coming round, same as every year. I'm not going to lie to you- its all about women. This holiday was made for women to enjoy. Now, I know there is a substantial amount of people out there that don't "believe" in Valentines Day. I'd just like to point out that there is nothing to "believe" in. It exists. The End. Now that that's out of the way- What is the problem? Why would you NOT want to use this opportunity to show your lady how much you love and appreciate her? Why would you risk the possibility of disappointing her? So many men make a huge deal about celebrating Valentine's Day. If they could just put that same amount of energy into planning something nice, they would get so much more out of the experience.

I have been given so many reasons over the years as to why men DONT celebrate on Feb 14th. Below are some of the most popular ones I've heard. And for each ridiculous reason, I have a rebuttal. Read and Learn- fast!

I can show you that I love you any day of the year!

Rebuttal: But do you? Can you honestly say that you show your lady how much you love and appreciate her every single day? If you can then that's fantastic, making an effort on the 14th Feb will be just like any other day, right? If not, then why would you pass up the opportunity to make your lady feel special, wanted, adored?

It's just a way for retailers to make money!

Rebuttal: Who says you have to spend loads of money? It doesn't have to be a massive gesture. You don't have to take your partner away on holiday, or buy the most expensive gift Selfridges has in their window. Some additional, thoughtful effort is what we are looking for, and believe it or not, romance can be pretty cheap. If you're thrifty, a bottle of wine and a home cooked meal can be just as effective as an evening in a fancy restaurant. A lovely bottle of perfume and a night cuddled on the sofa can be just as appreciated as a new Alexa Mulberry bag with woven trim (hint?) The key word is here is EFFORT.

You just want to show off to your friends!

Rebuttal: Yes and no. Yes: we want to tell nice stories about our guy to our friends (it makes a change from us moaning about your annoying habits all the time). No: we don't want to show off. Some of our female friends don't have partners. We don't want to rub it in their faces that we had a lovely romantic Valentines Day! What kind of people do you think we are?

You said you didn't even like Valentines Day!

Rebuttal: We lied. (Its on similar lines as "No, nothing is wrong, I'm not mad" and "Its not you, its me") Somewhere along the line, women have learned to say this, in order to shield themselves from the embarrassment and disappointment of their partner not doing something nice for them on Feb 14th. We're lying. Regardless of whether we take the day very seriously, or whether we're not that bothered, no lady is going to say no to her partner making her feel special. Its that simple.

Score Easy Brownie Points

Here's a few ways to score some easy points with your lady.

• Check if your lady is running out of her favourite fragrance. We don't like to buy perfume, we like it to be bought for us. Plus, we will see the effort you have put in to getting something we like.

• Plan a romantic evening. Even if you're not THAT romantic (this makes even more of an impact!) Whether its recreating your first date, having a lovely evening together, you cooking / preparing / ordering a nice meal, rose petals on the bedspread with whipped cream and chocolate sauce... seriously, whatever floats your boat!

• Cheesy is still effective. We like chocolate. We appreciate flowers. What's difficult?

• Foot rubs and massages are always an easy way to make your lady feel special. Curl up on the sofa with your favourite movie and some nice snacks and get rubbing! Besides, rubbing tends to lead to other things... do you need more of a hint?

• If you can afford it, send your lady on a pamper day! Pay for a manicure, pedicure, massage, facial, hairstyling (all of the above) and have her meet you for dinner. You've spent so much on her, and she's happy and looks beautiful. And what do you get from a lady that is happy and feels beautiful? (Insert dirty memory here).What more could you want? 

• Buy your lady a toothbrush and some sexy underwear and give her a map. Have her  meet you at a lovely hotel and spend a romantic night together.

Seriously guys, don't miss an opportunity to score some serious brownie points! Why waste it? You know we respond well to effort and romance. If its really that painful for you to make this effort, grin and bare it. You know the rewards for it will be plentiful. You know this. So suck it up, take one for the team and do something nice for your lady. If you pull it off, it will be reciprocated. Trust me.

If you want some other ideas on lovely date ideas, just ask! We're here to offer advice- for the sake of men and women everywhere!