I’ve always found myself to be pretty chill about boyfriends
having girls as friends. I think even from my early teen years I saw girls
freaking out with jealousy over their guys having friends of the opposite sex
and I always thought it was so pointless. If they wanted to be with
them....they would be! The guy is with you for a reason...dumbass.
And yes you can often enter into the slightly murkier
territories of a past between the two of them, one fancied the other, one maybe
still fancies the other (presumably not the one you’re going out with) etc etc
but by the by there is a reason why they are friends and not partners.
Let’s look at this objectively – it is GOOD to have friends
of the opposite sex. How many times have you just sat back chilling with the
guys and thought how nice it is to have a different friend dynamic to always
being “with the girls”. How often have you gone to a male friend for advice?
“Why do men...?” “What does he mean by....?” “Should I...?” (FYI the answer
will almost always invariably be some variation of “stop over-thinking things”.)
Isn't it nice to think that your guy has people he can do the same thing with? Women are always complaining about men
not understanding them. How do we expect men to understand us if we ban them from
communicating with other women?
Now don’t get me wrong. I am nowhere near the cool, calm,
level-headed woman I am making out to be. Sometimes certain female friends fill
me with such despair and anxiety that I don’t know how to cope. In the case of ‘The’
ex, he had his ex that broke his heart
and the “best friend” that had been in love with him since forever as two of
his closest mates. And boy were they vindictive little bitches when they wanted
to be. But I saw it, and ultimately I didn't distrust him, and in my effort to
stick to my morals and not having a problem with my guy having girl/friends I
actually probably shot myself in the foot a bit and caused more heartache than
necessary. Hey-ho; live and learn.
I guess my point is that that initial twinge of jealousy
when you hear a female name is the person he’s having a drink with is natural.
You care about him and (probably due to some evolutionary reason) you want to
be the only woman in his life. But that just aint gonna’ happen. So just keep a
close eye on it. If you find yourself uttering words of jealousy, or worse –
insisting you also tag along, you may have a slight issue. And then even if
this does happen...talk to your other half. If he is a decent guy he will
understand, and be able to reassure you. He may have even felt the same about some of your male friends, and it might also give him an
opportunity to voice that.
But imagine how you would feel if you told him not to hang
out with your brothers mate that you've known since you were 9? “Who the heck
is he telling me that? I’ve known Bob forever, we always watch the footie
together on Sundays!” yeah...now hear those words being said about you and
that’s exactly how he may feel. Bare that in mind the next time that little
green eyed monster raises its ugly head. Placate it with chocolate and the
reminder that he is with you for a reason. He loves and cares about you, and
spending time with women – seeing more of how our complex minds work, will
actually make him a better boyfriend to you. How could that ever be a bad
thing?