Sunday, 23 June 2013

Chemistry is right, but what about the rest?

The more I meet people, the more I realise that having the right chemistry with someone is important.Two people need to have an unspoken connection between them for their relationship to work. But what about when only the chemistry is right? What happens when its the stuff surrounding the chemistry that causes problems?

Getting to know you...
A couple of days ago I was out with some friends, and got talking to a friend of a friend (you know how it goes). I think it started when I quoted a film quote (to be honest I'm still pretty proud of the reference!) and he got it immediately. A great spark was lit. It was great, we found out that we liked the same books, we enjoyed the same movies, we even had the same sense of humour (you guys know me well enough now to know that this is top of my list!) Even some of my friends commented on the energy between us.

There's just one teeny detail that could potentially get in the way. His wife.

Who would get on with this?
Now, I just want to make clear that other than chatting, nothing happened at all. As it stands, I draw a thick, red, poisonous line when it comes to wrecking someone's marriage. But we got on so well, so instantly, it was scary. 

This phenomenon has been happening a lot for me recently. I reconnected with a friend on Facebook (again, from a previous work role) who I get on with like a house on fire (btw I've never understood that phrase... no one gets on with a beloved burning home). We went to dinner and to the cinema, just as friends, and had a great time. Again, our tastes were similar, and the humour was on par. Unfortunately I'm just not attracted to him. Not even slightly.

It leads me to consider the opposite- what about relationships when everything is right except the chemistry? It isn't usually easy for me to find the right connection with a guy. Many of the men I've dated over the past 2 years haven't quite had what I was looking for, and yet, I have tried to compromise anyway, because they're "a nice guy". Each and every one of these relationships has died a rapid, sinking death. Clearly for me, chemistry is supremely important.

The universe has been playing some divine tricks on me recently when it comes to dating. Great guy, no chemistry. Great chemistry, married. What the heck?! This is probably some sort of message, or part of a greater plan of some kind. What I have surmised so far is that perhaps I need to be a teeny bit more specific about what I'm looking for in a man. Like, can I have chemistry and be attracted to the guy too? Oh, and also (if its not too much trouble) can this guy be SINGLE and AVAILABLE (although you'd think this would be a given!)

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